Wednesday, 30 September 2015

Comedy Central and Canadian Television

FYI, Bloomberg, Disney Channel. Is it just me, or are we just importing second-hand crap from the States these days. You know what network I want to see? Comedy Central! I find it very ironic that Bell Media has exclusive rights to Comedy Central's shows, the very same shows that helped carry The Comedy Network and got people to watch MuchMusic again, yet they never launched a local version. With the cable revolution on the way, now would be the perfect time.

I suggest doing what Corus Entertainment did with Teletoon Retro and Disney Channel. Unlike Teletoon Retro, Comedy Gold hasn't aired that many new shows since their rebrand from TV Land. In fact, some of their shows have actually moved to The Comedy Network, while The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air airs regularly on Much. If Comedy Gold gets shut down, it won't be missed.

Bell Media is in the process of converting The Comedy Network into a Category B service, which would lower CanCon requirements and enable it to air more foreign programming (and less Cash Cab reruns). It's would actually be for the best if Comedy Gold shuts down, and have its shows incorporated onto The Comedy Network's lineup.

I mean, just look at Comedy. The only shows worth a damn these days are The Big Bang Theory, Fraiser, The Daily Show, The Nightly Report, and Just for Laughs highlights. The rest of the lineup is nothing but rehashed Canadian fare (JUST. FOR. LAUGHS. GAGS!) and, most embarrassingly, shows that have supposedly moved to Much. Much has little room to air reruns of these shows, mainly because its a MUSIC network, so The Comedy Network does it instead. Classic Bell Media.

Anyway, Comedy Gold's demise would leave a slot for Bell Media to launch a new specialty channel. That channel would be the official domestic version of Comedy Central, and it wouldn't just air South Park marathons, but classics like Drawn Together and Reno 911 (a la Nickelodeon Canada). With BiteTV out of the picture, the local version of FXX lacking the Animation Domination block, and the local version of Adult Swim making a big push, a Canadian Comedy Central is just what Bell Media needs to attract potential cord-cutters.

The only alternative is for The Comedy Network to focus more on upcoming Canadian acts, air more from the Comedy Central vault, and take back (*cough*@Midnight*cough*) some of the shows (*cough*Drunk History*cough*) that are currently airing (*cough*Workaholics*cough*) on Much (*cough*Nathan for You*cough*). But since Bell Media is Bell Media, that will only happen when hell freezes over.

Ironically, Hell is an accurate description for this company.


Monday, 28 September 2015

MuchMoreMedicore

Reign is moving to E! Canada, Pretty Little Liars is ending next year, oh, and Ravenswood is still cancelled. M3 is at the end of its rope with the three big shows that have carried the network post-rebrand. The real stars of M3's lineup however are Mike & Molly, The Mentalist, and Hot and Cleveland; because they are the only shows that are aired regularly for the last three years. In those three years, M3 has grabbed, snatched, and latched onto shows that, for all intents and purposes, shouldn't be airing here.

Despite running for over 100 episodes, M3 (nor any sibling channel that I know of) NEVER aired past episodes of Pretty Little Liars, yet they reran Gilmore Girls like there was no tomorrow. Reruns of Supernatural have also moved off-network, after it was buried in a graveyard slot where no one would be awake to watch it. True Blood only aired a single season on M3 before it was taken off, as was Franklin & Bash, which should have stayed on Bravo. Oh, and the movies; Screw them. If I want to see some decent films, I'll watch Showcase.

From just that small sample, we get the message that M3 is a poser; someone trying to fit in with the cool kids. Cool kids being networks like MTV & VH1 who'd do anything but music. Yet, MTV and VH1 still remain popular because, unlike M3, they actually produce their own shit. That goes triple for CMT Canada, Aux, and even MuchMusic.

More than ever, Much is looking a lot better. Almost two years after they ditched boring teen dramas for comedies and talk shows, they have launched their own MCN on YouTube. Essentially this is their way of ditching VJs for untalented hacks like [insert stupid YouTuber here], but its a nice concept that also acknowledges that the network's former audience is online. Moreover, I'll take TripTank and Moonbeam City over The Vampire Diaries any day.

For a network billed as "larger-than-life", M3 is really lamer-than-lame. Three years later, people still think of it as the ghost of MuchMoreMusic; a network that had a purpose and identity but, like so many others, lost it to ratings, old age, and the need to appeal to everyone but their own audience. The only thing the network is good for is stealing the rights to programs they have no business airing, denying more suitable networks the chance to air them. You call it a business move, I call it fowl play. This is signature bullcrap that only Bell Media can dish out.

Enjoy the ride.

Thursday, 24 September 2015

Fave Five: Networks That Should Follow in TeenNick's Footsteps

From the perspective of a YTV viewer, the last couple of years from Nickelodeon are a blur. I remember iCarly, Victorious, Big Time Rush, Spongebob and Fairly Odd Parents. The only recent series from Nick I remember seeing were The Legend of Korra and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. That leads me to believe that the main Nick network has only sporadically produced a single show, live-action and animated, that was worth a damn.

So, I'm convinced. Compared to everything after their 2008 rebrand, the 90s Nickelodeon felt like a way better TV channel, and TeenNick has gone above and beyond to bring it back. Subsequently, the network better known for Degrassi, Nickcoms, and burn-offs, has become arguably better than Nickelodeon itself. I'll never favor nostalgia over common sense, but if it could help TeenNick, imagine what it could do for these networks...

1) Disney XD
I love what this channel has become. No longer is it the juvenile boy version of Disney Channel, Disney XD is now the modern successor to Toon Disney we should have gotten in the first place. That being said, with news of a Ducktales reboot afoot, now is the perfect time for the network to go back to its roots.

We need to go back, long before Kim Possible, to the era of One Saturday Morning and The Disney Afternoon. There, we'll find long dormant shows like Darkwing Duck and the original Ducktales. How about some House of Mouse or Pepper Ann? Pit this against Toonami on Adult Swim, I doubt it would win, but it'd be a nice fight.

2) Disney Channel
Of course, the O.G DC should get in on the action. In fact, it's mandatory, because Disney Channel sucks. It does good in the ratings, but channel as a whole is bland, bland, bland. Of course, they already know this, which is why they introduced Disney Replay, a Throwback Thursday to the golden age. The downside is, Disney Channel doesn't have a vault as big as Nickelodeon's; you don't want to dry up the well too quickly.

The reason why Disney Channel makes this list is because, I didn't even know Disney Replay still existed until I wrote this sentence. A little more promotion would be nice, thank you very much.

3) MTV
MTV can never go back to being an all-music channel; it's foolish and futile. Besides, MTV was never truly defined by music, it was irreverent fare like Beavis and Butt-head, The Real World, and Jackass that earned the network its place in pop culture. Nowadays, MTV churns out train-wreck after horrible train-wreck, with only scripted fare, like Teen Wolf and Awkward, keeping the network relevant.

It's about time people were reminded why MTV shifted away from music in the first place. The only way to do that is if MTV ditches the syndicated crap, cracks open the vault, and give the 90s back their MTV: The MTV that was edgy, wild, unruly, and occasionally did something music-related. The idiots in suits wonder how to keep MTV relevant? My advice: try remembering why it was relevant in the first place!

4) Boomerang
Dear god, Boomerang, you don't need an explanation. I'm just gonna tell you what Shia LaBeouf told me: JUST DO IT!!!

5) Nick@Nite
...And so we come full circle. For all the bad vibes I get from people about TV Land's current direction, it's Nick@Nite that should be getting all the flack. Here we have perfect example as to why broadcast networks like Cozi and Me have beaten cable outlets for their nostalgia fix. n@n' s recent airings are little more than shows already seen on other networks, sans George Lopez and Full House. Such as Friends, which Nick has a deal with TBS to air it only at night; or How I Met Your Mother, which is seen on so many networks its not worth keeping track; or the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, currently being gangraped by BET and MTV.

What Nick@Nite really needs to do, is go back further. As long as you got Full House, I think we're overdue for some Happy Days too. Surely the premier classic TV network can do better than this, especially as TV Land continues its Gen X pursuits. If any network should be taking the initiative started by TeenNick, it's its fellow siblings.

...At least its still better Nickmom.

Smile Precure will be a "Bad End" for Saban

http://www.animenewsnetwork.co.uk/news/2015-09-24/saban-listed-as-promoting-smile-precure-to-licensees-as-glitter-force/.93269
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OK, everyone remain calm.

We don't know what the status of this...thing is, other than the fact that it exists. So, let's assume that Saban wasn't working on this while Vortexx was falling apart, and that this was their way of announcing that "Yeah, we're doing this." NO, they really shouldn't, and here's why.

First of all, in the year 2015, it's about time children's anime gets the proper treatment it deserves.
The trend of acquiring shows from Japan, smashing it into tiny unrecognizable pieces, and putting it back together as an entirely different show is absolutely disgusting and should have died when 4Kids Entertainment went out of business. Sure, it's mostly toy-driven crap and, outside of Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh, no one really cares about it. Hell, Saban Brand's predecessor, Saban Entertainment, did the same thing with Digimon, and it still remained a nostalgic childhood memory. But the fact remains, it's still a form of censorship; to deny kids even the slightest taste of another country's culture, simply because it's a "cartoon", is revolting.

On a less fanboy-ish note, YTV already tried bringing the original series, Futari wa Pretty Cure, to Canada (and the UK), with their own English dub, produced by Ocean. Even though it was somewhat faithful to the original version, it just didn't catch on. Maybe it was because YTV didn't do a good enough job promoting it or maybe it was because they aired it in the mornings of a school day. Whatever the case, it was no Sailor Moon, dare I say Winx Club was more popular?

So, 4Kids-style dubs suck and no one will watch them, the franchise isn't as popular in North America as anything before it and, much like Digimon, the follow-ups and spin-offs in the Pretty Cure franchise are disputed in terms of quality and memorability. It's almost a fool's errand to try to pull the same trick with this show. Maybe if it was the current series, Go! Princess Pretty Cure, they'd have much better luck, but I just don't see Saban having much luck with this show. Unless they plan to release Smile Precure in its original form, they're better off sticking to Digimon and Power Rangers.

Also, Glitter Force is a stupid name. Just sayin'


Tuesday, 22 September 2015

Some Things the New Boomerang Needs to Do...

It's great to see Turner has not forgotten about Boomerang. It can be more than just a network for classic cartoons and burn-offs. With its rebrand, it can be a testing ground for new shows and ideas that might not work on Cartoon Network. Hell, I'm pretty sure there were a lot of shows the vocal CN fanbase wanted nothing to do with. Had Boomerang rebranded eariler, they would have gotten their wish.

It's going to take some time for them to stretch their legs but, for the moment, let's help them out. Bitching and complaining only makes things worse and, let's face it, the CN fanbase is as snobby as the Call of Duty fanbase is disgusting and the Sonic fanbase is just plain horrible. So, instead, let's try to be a little more constructive.

Boomerang has no clear focus at the moment, it's all ratings-driven now. Right now, they're more focused on the most popular characters from the archives of Warner Bros. and Hanna-Barbara. That's understandable: the likes of Yogi Bear and Top Cat have been on Boomerang for years; eventually they were gonna get stale. But, here's the thing: the shows that have replaced them are either too new, unmemorable, or were already airing on Cartoon Network.

There is absolutely no excuse for Boomerang to be airing reruns of Gumball and Teen Titans Go. They're already seen multiple times on Cartoon Network; if Boomerang wants to air reruns of those shows, they're gonna have to air reruns of the rest of CN's current slate. Better yet, Cartoon Network, how about you start doing that!? You can start with some damn Adventure Time episodes! No, instead Boomerang should be airing older CN originals, particularly the "Cartoon Cartoons" from the network's golden age.

The acquired slate is a mess, it's just a random mishmash of kiddy-fodder. The biggest highlight, of course, is Numb Chucks. A show so horrible, it more than justifies Boomerang's rebrand. If they hadn't, it would have ended up on Cartoon Network, and I don't think they're in the mood for another Canadian embarrassment after Almost Naked Animals had their fun.

I'm glad they realized their mistake and kept that shit on YTV where it belongs, but I'm also glad that Boomerang won't be airing the Inspector Gadget reboot either. Sure, it's one of Teletoon's best shows in a while, but we could do better then that buggy goofball. I'm sorry Canada, but at moment there are far better networks to acquire kids shows from than YTV and Teletoon. I speak on behalf of Canadians Rallying Against Programs Poisoning Youth.

The only hope Boomerang has now, is in its original slate: Wabbit, Be Cool, and Bunnicula. For better or worse, these shows are the only hope the channel has at redemption. Boomerang tried to do something different than what TV Land is doing but, in its current state, has become a dark and twisted version of Cartoon Network from an alternate universe where the network has become as bad as Disney Channel and Nickelodeon. In other words, it needs more work.

You see, Teletoon Retro, it was for the best that we part ways...

Thursday, 17 September 2015

Road to Digimon Story: Cyber Sleuth

Edit: "You might want to tell Wikipedia about that." Yeah, someone told Wikipedia about that.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Digimon Story series began with the 2006 game on Nintedo DS, followed by Dawn and Dusk in 2007, Lost Evolution in 2010, and Super Xros Wars in 2011. In America, the former two installments were marketed as sequels to the Digimon World series (along with Digimon World Data Squad and Digimon World Championship), however, they are in name (and crappy localization) only.

Ironically, an actual installment of Digimon World, 2012's Re:Digitize for PlayStation Portable, was never released in America. In fact, I believe a Digimon game hasn't been localized since the release of Digimon Championship in 2008. Maybe because Pokemon was just too popular, maybe because Xros Wars/Fusion wasn't as popular as the other anime installments, maybe because Championship sucked so much. Who knows?

Last year's Digimon All-Star Rumble was the first game to be released in America in six years. I guess the announcement of Digimon Adventure tri, a new movie series featuring the cast from the original anime, or the fact that it had the word "Rumble" in it, caused a renewed interest. In any case, it's nice to see the franchise hasn't been totally abandoned stateside.

Wednesday, 16 September 2015

A Quick Top 9: Teletoon's Longest-Running Original Series

From the article on Teletoon Original series on Wikipedia, I've listed these shows. I've excluded quarter-hour and interstitial shows, but included international co-productions: shows that Teletoon have had a hand in producing at some point. This list is current as of September 9, 2015 and you are more than welcome to dispute it.

9) Mega Babies
Produced by Cin├ęGroupe, Landmark Entertainment Group, and Sony Wonder
4 seasons, 52 episodes
January 5, 1999 – April 1, 2001

8) Angela Anaconda
Produced by C.O.R.E. Digital Pictures, Decode Entertainment, and Angela Productions, Inc.
65 episodes
October 5, 1999 – February 24, 2002

7) Braceface
Produced by Nelvana
3 seasons, 78 episodes
June 30, 2001 – September 1, 2004

6) Chaotic
Co-Produced by Chaotic of America, 4Kids Entertainment, and Bardel Entertainment
3 seasons, 79 episodes
October 7, 2006 – March 13, 2010

5) Caillou
Produced by Elastic Rights, Clockwork Zoo, Cinar (1997–2004) and Cookie Jar Entertainment (2004–2012)
5 seasons, 92 episodes
September 15, 1997 – October 3, 2010

4) 6teen
Produced by Nelvana (season 1–3) and Fresh TV (season 4)
4 seasons, 93 episodes (including specials)
November 7, 2004 – February 11, 2010

3) Johnny Test
Co-Produced by Warner Bros. Animation (Season 1), Coliseum Entertainment (Season 2), and Cookie Jar Entertainment  (Season 2–6)
6 seasons, 117 episodes
September 17, 2005-December 25, 2014

2) Total Drama
Produced by Fresh TV and Neptoon Studios
5 seasons, 120 episodes (including specials)
Note: By surpassing Johnny Test and Kevin Spencer in episode count, I believe Total Drama is also the longest-running, domestically-produced, Canadian animated series.

1) Totally Spies!
Co-Produced by Marathon Media Group and Image Entertainment Corporation (season 3–5)
6 seasons, 156 episodes
November 3, 2001 – October 3, 2014
Note: Technically, Teletoon was not involved with the sixth season.


The 90s Are All Splat?

There's one thing Canada's Nickelodeon has going for it that the American version doesn't have, and it's something viewers of the latter channel have complaining about for years. Along with the current crop, Nick Canada also airs classic series from the nineties; every night, every weekend.

Why is this so important? Under normal circumstances, it wouldn't be, but at least in the 90s Nick's long-running shows wouldn't be accused of decaying quality, their sitcoms wouldn't be as predictably stale as the crap on Disney Channel, and the overall quality of programming wasn't simply kid-fodder. You know your network sucks when you commissioned a show like Rocket Monkeys, but only aired the first season because it was just so horrible! All this explains the significance of TeenNick's late night block, The 90s Are All That, which has been huge success for a network that's mostly known for airing Nickcoms, burn-offs, and Degrassi.

You'd think the other networks would have done this already, maybe in overnight hours, but no. Between preschool programming and Nick@Nite, Nickelodeon only has eight hours to itself on the weekdays, and promoting their current crop of shows is elementary. That being said, it would have been nice if Nick@Nite would have done this on the weekends, to switch things up at least.
Nicktoons clearly would have benefited more from airing the classics than they do from airing censored anime and producing original crap that's even worse than Rocket Monkeys. Finally, the less said of Nickmom, the better. It was a horrible idea and, if Nick Jr. was that desperate for ratings, they should have also done this instead.

That's brings us to The Splat. We know it's a programming block that will launch in October, but I got some questions of my own. Will it replace Nick@Nite? How will it affect TeenNick's block? Will it replace Nick@Nite? Will it air on weekdays and/or weekends? Will it replace Nick@Nite? ...Don't look at me like that, I'm only giving TV Land some incentive to not become as bad as Boomerang.

Anyways, all this 90s Nick talk has actually got me feeling a bit nostalgic about YTV. I'm too old for it, and its current shows are too juvenile for anyone. Still, I can't help but feel YTV would also benefit from doing something like this. Guess that's why they uploaded Invader Zim to their YouTube channel.

...And I'm talking to myself. Nice.

Thursday, 10 September 2015

10 Things You Might Want to Know About

1. Lab Rats and Mighty Med are merging to form a new sequel series. Yes, I know Avengers: Ultron Revolution is far more buzz-worthy. But, as one of the few good shows made by ITL, I do need to give Lab Rats a shout-out. It's a way better show than the Gamer's Guide to Anti-Humor.

2. Teletoon is airing classic cartoons again. Because no one wants to watch Rocket Monkeys. No one.

3. Revolt is promoting Afro Samurai 2. ...And Fuse is airing Miami Ink reruns.

4. TNA is under siege again. Speaking of buzz-worthy, no word yet on GFW Amped's premiere or Lucha Underground's second season.

5. Inspector Gadget got a reboot/sequel/whatever. Better a goofball like Gadget than a prick like Hong-Kong Phooey.

6. Ben 10 and The Powerpuff Girls are getting reboots. And yet, Young Justice remains at large.

7. ReBoot is getting a reboot. Mend, defend, and do your homework. *sigh*

8. Full House is getting a reboot. ...Wait, what?

9. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is getting a reboot. OK, Hang on!

10. Nickelodeon is developing a Nickoons Crossover reboot. Hey, Hey, Hey HEY, What's Going On Here?!

Friday, 4 September 2015

Fave Four: Channels I like (Vol 2?)

The herd is thinning. In a pick-and-pay environment, you count on my subscription to these channels.

1) Teletoon
Needs no explanation. Kids watch it, but my demo wishes for better. Thankfully, Teletoon is doing just that; They've ditched some of their crappier originals to Cartoon Network, while also bringing back some older series and incorporating shows from Teletoon Retro (R.I.P) to fill out weekends. On average, since 2011, they only produce one decent show per year, but this year's slate may be their best yet. It's no Cartoon Network, nor Teletoon's golden age, but at least it's getting better.

2) FEVA TV
When they called FEVA the entertainment channel I've been waiting for, they weren't kidding. A great alternative to BET's Canadian feed, FEVA TV offers a broad range of entertainment and lifestyle programming. Let's just say 4th and Forever was a better show than 4th and Loud and leave it at that.

But my favorite programming to watch on this channel are the music blocks. Finally, fresh, unfiltered, non-vanilla, music from Canadian, American, and International artists on my TV. The best part? It's not even a music channel; the channels in our country can't do this sound justice. I wish these guys the best of luck!

3) Spike
Meh, I like watching Cops, and Jail too. But the real meat of Spike's programming has to be it's combat sporting events from Bellator, Glory, and Premiere Boxing Champions; a lineup like that was worth ditching TNA's crap. All of the above is the best Spike has to offer, along with the few movies that aren't blacked out, but Bar Rescue and Ink Master are no slouches either. Out of all the crappy reality shows Spike has churned out in the last four years - not as bad as TruTV, but nowhere near as good as A&E - these two were the most intriguing. Not until the premiere of Lip Sync Battle was there ever anything better.

The best reason why Spike is "the One to Watch" is their return to scripted series. If TUT was any indication, Spike's offerings are going to get a lot better in the future. Yes, even better than 1000 Ways to Die.

4) Cartoon Network (Canada)
It's not the American version, but it'll do. The main draw of this channel is right in the name: Cartoon Network, a brand that stands for superlative animated series that kids and adults can enjoy. Even on its worst day, CN's original shows are better than half of the crap on Nickelodeon. Half of the crap; calm your rolls, airbenders.

In the past, this channel aired the definite mix Cartoon Network's best. From classics, like the Powerpuff Girls and KND, to fan-favorites, like Young Justice and Generator Rex, to modern hits, like Regular Show and M.A.D. However, as of late, it seems the channel has fallen back to newer CN shows, some of the worst Teletoon has to offer, and Detentionaire. I've always wondered if Corus Entertainment actually had the same exclusive rights to Cartoon Network's programming as they do for Nickelodeon and Disney's networks. Considering that the Adult Swim block still hasn't picked up Rick and Morty, yet Childens Hospital is on Much, I think its a safe bet.

When all is said and done, Cartoon Network is a worthy substitute for both the real deal and even Teletoon sometimes. If only they could produce their own version of Toonami, the channel can truly feel whole. You do realize it's not just anime, right?

5) ?
...There is none. I realize I don't have as broad a taste as other people, but that's because I'm not interested in mainstream sports, dramas, sitcoms, dramas, reality shows, and dramas. Also, reality shows. Yet everywhere I look, that's all I get. When I talk shit about Canadian cable networks, it's only because I want to see more diversity on the dial. If more networks moved to the beat of their own drums, instead of following the leader, cable subscriptions would be as stable as they air in the States. Declining, but at a snail's pace.

You see folks, networks like Revolt and El Rey are keeping people from completely ditching cable, because they provide programming not seen anywhere else. I guarantee you that if Fuse decided to air something like Samurai Champloo, rather than Miami Ink, more people would pay them mind. If MTV2 aired more damn videos and focused more on their original shows, instead of crappy movies and recycled sitcoms, they would truly be to MTV what Disney XD is to Disney Channel.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: I don't read charts, I watch television. These chumps in suits need to start doing the same.

Thursday, 3 September 2015

It's a Laugh? More Like a Snoozefest!

Words can not describe my feelings towards the company known as It's a Laugh Productions. As of writing, they've produced twenty-seven shows for Disney Channel and Disney XD; only three of them were decent. If there was ever a scapegoat for the low quality trash that has ruined Disney Channel, and almost did the same for Disney XD, these guys are it.

I just watch the first half of the second episode of Disney XD's newest live-action trainwreck, Gamer's Guide to Pretty Much Everything, and I'm not watching the rest. You'd think by now, they would have gotten better, but no. The settings change, the actors change, the actual creators and their staff change, but just like Call of Duty's campaign mode, it's still the same old shit! The same crappy jokes, the same character types, the same predictable plotlines, the same shitty music, and the same old laugh track; which has become grating to my ears, because a live studio audience wouldn't find this shit funny!

In the decade that they've plagued Disney Channel (and, by extension, Family Channel), and Disney XD, only three of their of their shows have I begrudgingly called decent. There was the more family-oriented Good Luck Charlie, which had as much to offer adults as it did their children. There was JONAS: a quirky counterpart to Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide that was horrifically overlooked, due to the fact that it stars a boy band that can't rock for shit, and for being retooled as a shitty teen drama. And more recently, Girl Meets World, a worthy successor to Boy Meets World and, by god, the only decent show on Disney Channel these days.

What? You thought I was talking about Hannah Montana, or Wizards, or The Suite Life? Yes, they have their respective fanbases. Yes, they were the only shows on Disney Channel that were worth a damn popularity-wise. Yes, they did help launched the careers of some of their stars. And yes, I still like watching the original Suite Life a hell of a lot more than the crappy sequel series. Quite frankly, those three shows were better and far more memorable than any other show on Disney Channel I didn't mention. But, that's only by tween standards.

By the standards of anyone who's a fan of shows like That's So Raven, Lizzie McGuire, or The Proud Family, the shows made by those hacks at It's a Laugh Productions make Saved by the Bell look like the fucking Chappelle Show. The only reason why shit like this broke Nickelodeon's rating dominance, was because Nick's new sitcoms were a just a bit more juvenile and a lot more forgettable. As for Gamer's Guide, this show is a sign that Disney XD should just stick to cartoons, and leave the sitcoms to the professionals.

2016, the year when Family is finally rid of this shit, can't come soon enough.

Wednesday, 2 September 2015

Teletoon's Power Play is VERY Unreal, Indeed [EDIT: 9/4/2015]

Maybe you're an anime fan or maybe you caught a glimpse of the U.S Cartoon Network, whatever the case, you know that animation has as much appeal for adults as kids. That's why, a few gems aside, I believe Teletoon hasn't been good since 2011; when they began incorporating CNReal-esque shit onto their lineup and skewed a brainless demographic of stupid tweens (I'm looking at you, Majority Rules) and even dumber kids (I'm looking at you, Rocket Monkeys). As the national network for all things animated, you'd expect a more diverse lineup of shows for kids, families, and adults. Sadly, Corus Entertainment is only good at pandering to the first, and Teletoon suffers because of it.

That's why the end of Teletoon Retro was so tragic for some people, it marked the end of the last safe haven for some truly iconic shows, a far cry from Teletoon's current offerings. However, Retro's end is also what makes Teletoon's power play, as I'd like to call it, all the more intriguing. We were told that some of Retro's shows would move to Teletoon, and all of Cartoon Network's programming would move to it's Canadian counterpart. Done correctly, this would be a HUGE benefit for Teletoon, and a nice bonus for Cartoon Network (which, thanks to Retro, will now be available in more homes).

What they didn't tell us, on the other hand, was that Teletoon would be bringing back some of the more contemporary shows and incarnations from days past (Tom and Jerry Tales, What's New Scooby-Doo), or that Detentionaire and the so-called "Teletoon Rejects" would also move to Cartoon Network and apparently displace some of their older programming. Yes Canada, this month, we will know how fans of the U.S version feel. Not only will we be treated to a buffet of Teen Titans Go (and Gumball) reruns, with not a single episode of Adventure Time in sight, but they will air along side what many consider to be the worst of what Teletoon has to offer. Also, again, Detentionaire; which might help wash the taste of shit out of people's mouths.

Then at the last second, we were also told that virtually every adult-oriented show, not named Archer, would move from Teletoon at Night to Adult Swim. In addition, while Adult Swim still lacks the newer shows from it's American counterpart (and Toonami), it's also gaining some newer shows of it's own. However, while TaN is FINALLY getting Bob's Burgers, it's also getting more live-action "cult films" and reduced air time; probably because, at this point, you're better off watching Adult Swim.

In the end, the once superlative version of Cartoon Network has been reduced to being even more of a dumping ground for Teletoon fodder, Teletoon at Night's future is now in question, and nobody wants to watch Disney Channel. On the upside, Adult Swim now has even more offerings and Teletoon is now airing more decent shit, while also focusing on their current shows. Clearly, Corus Entertainment hashed this out at the last second, and it will take an extra month or two to get everything sorted out. But when they do sort their shit out, I believe it'll be for the better.

But seriously, Rick & Morty; we need that shit now!